Again..

I am sad...again..

Why?

People say:

Shame on u if u fooled me once but shame on me if u fooled me twice....

..I wish u know how deeply affected i am with EACH of your MISTAKES..

This happened to me before, n i walked away without even a glance back..without regret at all..because i know i did the best to make him see the way i see things..but he was too ego to notice my pain..

I'm scared that my heart will start questioning why do i stay this time..

I promised myself, i am not gonna stay and endure something that makes me unhappy because i know everybody including me deserve to be happy.

One day if it ever burst out, don't even bother to regret it, cause obviously we know that we deserve better. Don't u think so?...

Out of words...

Does he know how hurt i am??
One day, i wont be around him anymore..i just hope the time given is enough to make him see..

I'm scared...

The starting was shaky..

Was he the brightest star? ..No..
Was he the brilliant one? ...No..
Was he the big bucks?..No..
Was he the the most compassionate? ..No..

But i chose to move on..
On what basis?...Hmm..the fact that he made me smile n laugh..the fact that he could be a nice home..

Trials, necessity, commitments..then the reality rushed in..
I backed him up..with all my heart i did (i wish he know how hard i tried). Never did i stand behind someone as solid as i did for him.. I cleared all the paths so there could be 'us'..

Unfortunately throughout the journey, I've been hurt so many times.. He bruised my ego a few times..I try to heal the wound every time.. Hoping that we could have fresh start each time.. and... i still chose to move on..

I told him..reasoned with him..made sure he understand the ground rules of maintaining our combination. But here we go again..

After all the changes i made.. All the defending, all the sacrifices.. He consciously did the mistake.. (Wonder where the hell was his principle???!! He promised me!)

Am i that worthless?

I'm scared of what this gonna do to me..will i change to someone new just to survive..or will i walk away for good..

Need you now...

I miss him..

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum is on the air.. Smiling bitterly i kind of feel stupid.. Thinking of how great my feeling towards him but our time was occupied with small and insignificant fights. Hurting each other like idiot kids. I miss him...damn much... and he is miles away...

I'm all alone and i kind of need him now. :(

Not in the mood...

I'm annoyed n i'm releasing the tense by crying.. Don't even know if he will ever understand.. Even if i try to make him understand, i have to prepare myself to be disappointed again.. n i kind of not in the mood to be disappointed..Play n joke around all u want, but pls b serious if it's important.. The planning n implementation involved so many hearts.. including MINE.

i am annoyed!

I finally found the motivation + excitement + perseverance to do what i decided to give up weeks ago.. Chasing the final due date needs every single enthusiasm left in me.. Denying the urge to do something fun and 628% focus on this assignment kind of remind me my spm preparation feeling years ago.. Complete this, n all my burden is going to be lifted permanently from me for the rest of my life.. n i would be a very happy lady... :)

But i'm kind of annoyed now.. Cant seem to focus to the above stuff.. Cant seem to find the exact reason but i guess it has something to do with my expectations.. I did my part according to the sequence but i cant seem to get corporation from the other party..

Delays due to so many reasons..kind of tired of asking..n checking..n reminding...coz everytime i tried to go to the bottom of the problem, he'll end up making jokes and after the long conversation trying to highlight the logic to him, he will produce a very sluggish implementation with 15 more reminders..i got annoyed just by reminding him.... I am tired of it.. can i just let him alone and play by his rhythm?

Look..i have a very heavy head-cracking stuff to attend to, please..do ur part and help me with the planning... i can't do this alone.. it's not only ur work, family n friends that matter.. i got mine too... God! i'm annoyed...