Another weekend...

Hmm...spending my saturday nite with movies.. with a very small laptop screen..i guess this saturday is just another weekend. All the plans were cancelled.. So much for the 'nice' weekend i had in mind. ...sigh... I wish i am not too dependent... I wish it is safe for me to go out alone..i wish kk is just 15 minutes away.. I miss my UMS life.. at least i got my circle of friends :(

The Saturday...

Saturday finally...i get to spend all evening for myself.. i suppose to have everything i need now...but i feel lonely.. Now i prefer my hectic schedule than a lonely evening like this..

I want to go out and enjoy the lovely evening but i don't feel safe to go out alone..this is what happen when you are supplied with so many crime stories.. haha... Im imagining a white beach all for myself...a safe one of coz.. a big bottle of 100 plus, sunblock, sunglasses, shorts, a good book and an MP3 full of nice songs would be enough to make my saturday.. hmm...i wish..

Sitting alone in my room is like giving all the memories chance to come knocking and say 'hi' to my present life. ...sigh... honestly i kind of dunno what to do when they come...

i'm making some positive progress..i know..but would it be enough?.. Is anyboy out there got pills for erasing memories?? I would love to have those pills please..

Hmm...i want my mum... :(

I wasn't okay...

From the moment i wake up, i know that i won't perform as expected. I feel so tired an weak. It was like i had a date with a vampire the night before and he sucked all of my red blood cells out of my body.. I was pale and light headed. And my limbs didn't want to corporate with me..but for the sake of commitment, i gave up all the energy left in me to the game. After the game, i dragged my feet to a clinic. And that was where i dissapoint him.. I swear i could have blacked out if i didn't rush home and lie down.. i've been losing too much blood...without proper breakfast n lunch..and after a few volleyball match..i was pretty much 'wasn't okay'..i'm sorry..

It is a wonder why we feel so fragile in situations like this..Why can't we be strong throughout all circumstances no matter how hard we try??

It makes me realize that i am a mortal :)

I never really think about it before this..but now it sort of open my eyes that my mortal body is degrading..

I have exactly one week before the next test.. and the result of the next test will determine whether my life for the next few weeks (or maybe months...hmm..years?) would be full of tests and stress or routine and smiles... I leave it all to God..He knows better..

But before the day comes, i will fill my days with as much laughter as i can..and enjoy my life as usual (I hope so...n i'll try my best)..

Tommorrow i'll b playing volleyball for the MSKPPM. Wish me luck :)

An outing with my Nathan..

Dissapointed with the careless administration of ###, we decided to not to go home empty handed. A bit exhausted from the late sleep and early wake up, 4 of us determined to explore Kudat. We came across a Rungus Bead Centre signboard and went blindly in. Hmm...What we found was not bad.. They produce quite nice accesories. But in my opinion, Tourism Board should give more atention to simple details like the variety and commercial value of the product. Does it worth the 2 hours drive? hmm..not really..but at least we were happy :)

My Wednesday..

I woke up late today (actually i consciously ignored the scream my alarm for 20 times..haha) Rushed to prepare myself and fullfill the minimum appearance requirements of a teacher. But i made it to school before the clock strike to 7. Yay! not bad for starting of the day.. A bit relax today coz all form 3 students has PMR talk.. :)

Had a very long breakfast with my girlfriend, catching up with the latest gossip. Shared a good laugh... So far i have a pleasant morning here at school.. Wish myself more smiles for the other half of the day. :)

Tomorrow is just a day away..

It's almost 12 and my eyes is getting heavier.. ..wonder what tomorrow will bring for me.. Hopefully something that can make me smile..

Work, teach, students...tomorrow is just a few hours away..

...

Tell me when will you be mine

Tell me quando quando quando

We can share a love divine

Please don't make me wait again

When will you say yes to me

Tell me quando quando quando

You mean happiness to me

Oh my love please tell me when

Every moments a day

Every day seems a lifetime

Let me show you the way

To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more

Tell me quando quando quando

Say its me that you adore

And then darling tell me when

Every moments a day

Every day seems a lifetime

Let me show you the way

To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more

Tell me quando quando quando

Say its me that you adore

And then darling tell me when

Whoa lover tell me when

Oh darling tell me when

Oh come on tell me when

Yea tell me when

Thank you..

Thank you...

I wouldn't stand where i am now if it's not because of you.. Thank you..We have been through a lot...and we were still standing for some time, till the day we decided to let it go...

I just want to tell you, that you had me throughout all those years. That i tried my best to face the challenges just to end up with you.. My prayer, worry and love was for you.. You used to be my home...

Now that we have to walk separately, i wish you luck..and need you to know that your impression on me all this while is wrong..and the way you interpret it dissapoints me.. i am hurt.. real bad..and the only option for me now is moving forward..

I am tired...i am soo tired...

Take care of yourself.. You know that i saw the potential in you..and i have faith that you can be somebody..I wish you all the best.. Just make sure that you are happy with it.. You are appreciated by me..always...My prayer is with you..God bless..

Why do we have to endure the pain..

Being in pain and have to pretend that you are not hurt is torturing.. Getting the lost laughter is not easy either. Being in this situation, we start to look for options.. But it seems that the pain is haunting .. need to get out of this..

Why...I can't understand...i guess love can do funny stuff..

Langit begitu gelap
Hujan tak juga reda
Ku harus menyaksikan cintaku
Terenggut tak terselamatkan
Ingin ku ulang hari
Ingin ku perbaiki
Kau sangat ku butuhkan
Beraninya kau pergi dan tak kembali

Dimana letak surga itu
Biar ku gantikan tempat mu dengan ku
Adakah tangga surga itu
Biar ku temukan untuk bersamamu
Ku biarkan senyum ku menari di udara
Biar semua tahu
Kematian tak mengakhiri
Cinta…

Apalah artinya hidup tanpa kekasihku
Percuma ku ada disini

Another day...

I had to let a student down today...seeing her almost burst into tears soften my heart inside...but i have to do this.. Warnings and reminders from friends, colleagues and housemate pushed me into rejecting her.

Every story has two sides... and i'm interested in her side.. but to know her story, i have to break the boundary that has been set in order for me to be in the comfortable side.. and breaking it doesn't seem to be a good option now...

As a teacher, woman and a sister, it hurts me to reject her enthusiasm to learn my subject and to be close to me.. hmm..life can be complicated.. Good luck to her..