Again..

I am sad...again..

Why?

People say:

Shame on u if u fooled me once but shame on me if u fooled me twice....

..I wish u know how deeply affected i am with EACH of your MISTAKES..

This happened to me before, n i walked away without even a glance back..without regret at all..because i know i did the best to make him see the way i see things..but he was too ego to notice my pain..

I'm scared that my heart will start questioning why do i stay this time..

I promised myself, i am not gonna stay and endure something that makes me unhappy because i know everybody including me deserve to be happy.

One day if it ever burst out, don't even bother to regret it, cause obviously we know that we deserve better. Don't u think so?...

Out of words...

Does he know how hurt i am??
One day, i wont be around him anymore..i just hope the time given is enough to make him see..

I'm scared...

The starting was shaky..

Was he the brightest star? ..No..
Was he the brilliant one? ...No..
Was he the big bucks?..No..
Was he the the most compassionate? ..No..

But i chose to move on..
On what basis?...Hmm..the fact that he made me smile n laugh..the fact that he could be a nice home..

Trials, necessity, commitments..then the reality rushed in..
I backed him up..with all my heart i did (i wish he know how hard i tried). Never did i stand behind someone as solid as i did for him.. I cleared all the paths so there could be 'us'..

Unfortunately throughout the journey, I've been hurt so many times.. He bruised my ego a few times..I try to heal the wound every time.. Hoping that we could have fresh start each time.. and... i still chose to move on..

I told him..reasoned with him..made sure he understand the ground rules of maintaining our combination. But here we go again..

After all the changes i made.. All the defending, all the sacrifices.. He consciously did the mistake.. (Wonder where the hell was his principle???!! He promised me!)

Am i that worthless?

I'm scared of what this gonna do to me..will i change to someone new just to survive..or will i walk away for good..

Need you now...

I miss him..

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum is on the air.. Smiling bitterly i kind of feel stupid.. Thinking of how great my feeling towards him but our time was occupied with small and insignificant fights. Hurting each other like idiot kids. I miss him...damn much... and he is miles away...

I'm all alone and i kind of need him now. :(

Not in the mood...

I'm annoyed n i'm releasing the tense by crying.. Don't even know if he will ever understand.. Even if i try to make him understand, i have to prepare myself to be disappointed again.. n i kind of not in the mood to be disappointed..Play n joke around all u want, but pls b serious if it's important.. The planning n implementation involved so many hearts.. including MINE.

i am annoyed!

I finally found the motivation + excitement + perseverance to do what i decided to give up weeks ago.. Chasing the final due date needs every single enthusiasm left in me.. Denying the urge to do something fun and 628% focus on this assignment kind of remind me my spm preparation feeling years ago.. Complete this, n all my burden is going to be lifted permanently from me for the rest of my life.. n i would be a very happy lady... :)

But i'm kind of annoyed now.. Cant seem to focus to the above stuff.. Cant seem to find the exact reason but i guess it has something to do with my expectations.. I did my part according to the sequence but i cant seem to get corporation from the other party..

Delays due to so many reasons..kind of tired of asking..n checking..n reminding...coz everytime i tried to go to the bottom of the problem, he'll end up making jokes and after the long conversation trying to highlight the logic to him, he will produce a very sluggish implementation with 15 more reminders..i got annoyed just by reminding him.... I am tired of it.. can i just let him alone and play by his rhythm?

Look..i have a very heavy head-cracking stuff to attend to, please..do ur part and help me with the planning... i can't do this alone.. it's not only ur work, family n friends that matter.. i got mine too... God! i'm annoyed...

Problems, anyone??

I have about 20 problems rushing annoyingly into my brain.. messing with my emotion..making me volatile...with the way i think, i know i'm gonna be exhausted sooner than i estimated.. i just hope i have somebody or something to untangle this problems for me..The worst is, i don't know anybody with that ability yet.. Maybe i need a superman? (Ha ha - forcing myself to poke my waist and laugh)

General advice: try to attend the problems 1 by 1.. think positively..the sun gonna shine even after the most horrendous storm...:)

Okay.. but what if the problems are kind of inter-related? n what if the sun actually shines a bit to late? ;(

Sigh..I still want a black out..

I'm tired...

I thought i was secured..

I was in high spirit when everything collapse in a few minutes.. I was tired with all the simple details that needed to be attended before the due dates.. i hate it when i don't get what i think i deserve to get after all the hard work i did..

Come on people..

I think i want to shut down for a moment.. no more questions to answer..no more plannings to do, no more sugarcoating of the annoying and disapointing problems..no more.. i just want to lay back and get all the rest i need..i just want to black out!

Suddenly i don't feel like i want any of these anymore :(

Comfortable home..

It's not easy to love someone when obviously you have a very wide gap in understanding each other's feeling. You'll end up hurting your partner without even realize that you hurt her/him...and instead of asking for forgiveness and console her/him that you didn't mean it the bad way..you'll end up irritated. So you decided to just let her/him alone..which you thought is the best solution..

The partner spending time alone, thinking that you don't care..or worse, you don't love her/him enough. Too many of it will downgrade the relationship eventually..

A love relationship suppose to be your refuge. a home you'll come running when someone/something out there hurt you. It makes everything else look small when you have a very comfortable home.

But, when your 'home' hurt you..where do you run??

It took my enthusiasm away.

Why does he said like everything is my fault?? I didnt set the terms.. I didnt name the price. I know nothing about it. I am as blur as he is. This is my first time too.. come on!

This is ridiculous. It is an early stage of the event. Only discussion. Can't talk nicely?? That is your nature? Don't think about it??

Just so he knows, it took my enthusiasm away.

Dedicated to the ladies out there..Don't ever say that you are not pretty enuff..Who says?

I wouldn't want to be anybody else.
You made me insecure
Told me I wasn’t good enough
But who are you to judge
When you’re a diamond in the rough
I’m sure you got some things
You’d like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn’t want to be anybody else

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
Come on..

Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting

It’s such a funny thing
How nothing’s funny when it’s you
You tell ‘em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth
It’s like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won’t let you touch the sky

Who says you’re not start potential
Who says you’re not presidential
Who says you can’t be in movies
Who says you don’t pass the test
Who says you can’t be the best
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting

Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful?

So, beautiful ladies...lets live our beautiful life~ ;)

First Quarter of 2011

My early 2011.filled with unpredictable stuff.. Reminding me that life is unpredictable..and it suppose to be fun that way~ Right?

After the march school holiday, i sort of stuck with the workloads that i consciously procrastinated before holiday.. Huhu serves me right~
But surprisingly, between the tuitions and chasing due dates, i could actually relax myself..i even have the time for blog and movies..Thanks..I really appreciate this Lord :)
Not forgetting to my 'day-maker' contributors..just want to let you know that you guys are appreciated~ May i survive 2011 with flying colours..haha

It is only March..with these workloads and commitments, i'm already looking forward for the first term holiday ;p

You've got to be kidding me!

Tired..yet tonnes of stuff to do.. After dragging my feet to finally sit in front of my laptop to finish this highly demanded stuff, and after the maximum motivation i gave to myself just to survive the hours of typing..the file i saved is nowhere to be found! UUrghh!

I am not that illiterate..i know how to save a file.. i did that a hundred times. But why?? Why now?! I don't deserve this! Huaaaa...

Retype? You've got to be kidding me!?? It's almost 12 and i'm sleepy like a baby.. tommorrow i need to wake up early.. Uuurgh.. I can't tell how frustrated i feel right now...

Sigh.. I wish got nyam2 to help me... :(

I hate this part!

After a long hectic day, i just want to talk to someone. Someone who will really listen to the stuff i had gone through. I am one of the endangered species of 'extremely-manja-beyond-repair' type and i need to be entertained. Now, i can change myself but i could be a very boring person. Coz no more funny2 stuff might happen. I hate it when i have to deal with it alone!