Communication..

We have all sort of communication devices and technologies. Logically it will make our communication level higher and better. But why does it so difficult to satisfy Homo sapien's ego? Communication is not doing any better. Even between two close individual with mutual understanding. Hmm..

values...

I have this opportunity of a lifetime. Something I wanted so bad since i started to realize the values of education. Last year, i would have jump out of the window excitedly and said a solid yes. But, not now..it is funny how life would unexpectedly changed. The moment I hear the proposal, I immediately rejected it..
Coz when I look carefully at my journey of life, the values of life actually sits a bit higher than the value of academic..and I trust that stand.

Live n love..

Live n love..simple.. but can we survive the journey? It's up to us...

No matter how great your feeling is, the other party might not appreciate it.. End up you are crying alone.

People said, let it go.. move on..I want that more than anything in the world, but the memory haunts me.. I need help..

Front liners of a big name...

I noticed this kind of stuff since my first degree.. n i despise it ever since. It sort of the pain in the 'heart'..

Few days ago, my friend and i went to a very famous supermarket in this small town.. (Well almost 90% of the population shop there..so considered very famous la kan). Okay, since it hold a very massive reputation in this town.. i think it is logic to ensure a pleasant shopping period for the customers.. But what happen was really disappointing.

We went to the counter and waited for a while before we had our turn.. we wanted to buy the transparent handiplast (for facial). There were stacks of handiplasts and since the stacks were behind the counter the staf/cashier need to check it for us (that is how it suppose to be..right?). But when we ask for her assistance and we did ask a lot of questions, she showed obviously rude facial expression. After a while, she left us just like that. we waited innocently and pathetically. She went to do something insignificant instead of entertaining our requests and questions..

After using all my patience tolerating, she finally pushed my limit button. I couldn't wait anymore. So i consiously went behind the counter and check the stacks myself. I went out after one of the staff asked me to. And i was ready to explain to the manager if things happen to go a little bit further... But luckily i had a very understanding friend with me..

This is an ancient and typical issue highlighted when we talk about the service provided by staff at counter ; receptionist, cashier, general worker, salesperson..etc..I don't get it. What's with the attitude?? Do they know that they are specifically paid to entertain the requests of customers??

Not all of them behave that way and not all customers has a low level of patience as i am..but everybody knows that as front liners, they suppose to have a good PR to attract customers.. After all, customers are their informal employer and they (staff) are the faces of the company. A little smile wouldn't hurt..

As you read this, you might say that this is a one-sided story since i might not know the tense of front liners. Hmm..every job comes with unique tense. Think carefully before you decide to accept the offer. Give logic performance. Don't simply focus on the paycheck. Don't u think so?

Weekend..

I had a blast last nite. The aunt's party was fun.. Shots of Stanley's really got the adrenalin going... It was good to loosen up.. now i'm sobber with a pile of book to check.. Tomorrow, i need to face my naughty students again..

I wish tomorrow is saturday~

The way you see things..

If you want something so bad...don't you think you should fight for it? You would be restless till you got what you want.. Especially when it is about something that can cause regrets throughout your life..and the choice you make now is going to determine the colour of your future life.. Hmm..i guess you don't see it that way...

Life is drifting us further apart...

Another weekend...

Hmm...spending my saturday nite with movies.. with a very small laptop screen..i guess this saturday is just another weekend. All the plans were cancelled.. So much for the 'nice' weekend i had in mind. ...sigh... I wish i am not too dependent... I wish it is safe for me to go out alone..i wish kk is just 15 minutes away.. I miss my UMS life.. at least i got my circle of friends :(

The Saturday...

Saturday finally...i get to spend all evening for myself.. i suppose to have everything i need now...but i feel lonely.. Now i prefer my hectic schedule than a lonely evening like this..

I want to go out and enjoy the lovely evening but i don't feel safe to go out alone..this is what happen when you are supplied with so many crime stories.. haha... Im imagining a white beach all for myself...a safe one of coz.. a big bottle of 100 plus, sunblock, sunglasses, shorts, a good book and an MP3 full of nice songs would be enough to make my saturday.. hmm...i wish..

Sitting alone in my room is like giving all the memories chance to come knocking and say 'hi' to my present life. ...sigh... honestly i kind of dunno what to do when they come...

i'm making some positive progress..i know..but would it be enough?.. Is anyboy out there got pills for erasing memories?? I would love to have those pills please..

Hmm...i want my mum... :(

I wasn't okay...

From the moment i wake up, i know that i won't perform as expected. I feel so tired an weak. It was like i had a date with a vampire the night before and he sucked all of my red blood cells out of my body.. I was pale and light headed. And my limbs didn't want to corporate with me..but for the sake of commitment, i gave up all the energy left in me to the game. After the game, i dragged my feet to a clinic. And that was where i dissapoint him.. I swear i could have blacked out if i didn't rush home and lie down.. i've been losing too much blood...without proper breakfast n lunch..and after a few volleyball match..i was pretty much 'wasn't okay'..i'm sorry..

It is a wonder why we feel so fragile in situations like this..Why can't we be strong throughout all circumstances no matter how hard we try??

It makes me realize that i am a mortal :)

I never really think about it before this..but now it sort of open my eyes that my mortal body is degrading..

I have exactly one week before the next test.. and the result of the next test will determine whether my life for the next few weeks (or maybe months...hmm..years?) would be full of tests and stress or routine and smiles... I leave it all to God..He knows better..

But before the day comes, i will fill my days with as much laughter as i can..and enjoy my life as usual (I hope so...n i'll try my best)..

Tommorrow i'll b playing volleyball for the MSKPPM. Wish me luck :)

An outing with my Nathan..

Dissapointed with the careless administration of ###, we decided to not to go home empty handed. A bit exhausted from the late sleep and early wake up, 4 of us determined to explore Kudat. We came across a Rungus Bead Centre signboard and went blindly in. Hmm...What we found was not bad.. They produce quite nice accesories. But in my opinion, Tourism Board should give more atention to simple details like the variety and commercial value of the product. Does it worth the 2 hours drive? hmm..not really..but at least we were happy :)

My Wednesday..

I woke up late today (actually i consciously ignored the scream my alarm for 20 times..haha) Rushed to prepare myself and fullfill the minimum appearance requirements of a teacher. But i made it to school before the clock strike to 7. Yay! not bad for starting of the day.. A bit relax today coz all form 3 students has PMR talk.. :)

Had a very long breakfast with my girlfriend, catching up with the latest gossip. Shared a good laugh... So far i have a pleasant morning here at school.. Wish myself more smiles for the other half of the day. :)

Tomorrow is just a day away..

It's almost 12 and my eyes is getting heavier.. ..wonder what tomorrow will bring for me.. Hopefully something that can make me smile..

Work, teach, students...tomorrow is just a few hours away..

...

Tell me when will you be mine

Tell me quando quando quando

We can share a love divine

Please don't make me wait again

When will you say yes to me

Tell me quando quando quando

You mean happiness to me

Oh my love please tell me when

Every moments a day

Every day seems a lifetime

Let me show you the way

To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more

Tell me quando quando quando

Say its me that you adore

And then darling tell me when

Every moments a day

Every day seems a lifetime

Let me show you the way

To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more

Tell me quando quando quando

Say its me that you adore

And then darling tell me when

Whoa lover tell me when

Oh darling tell me when

Oh come on tell me when

Yea tell me when

Thank you..

Thank you...

I wouldn't stand where i am now if it's not because of you.. Thank you..We have been through a lot...and we were still standing for some time, till the day we decided to let it go...

I just want to tell you, that you had me throughout all those years. That i tried my best to face the challenges just to end up with you.. My prayer, worry and love was for you.. You used to be my home...

Now that we have to walk separately, i wish you luck..and need you to know that your impression on me all this while is wrong..and the way you interpret it dissapoints me.. i am hurt.. real bad..and the only option for me now is moving forward..

I am tired...i am soo tired...

Take care of yourself.. You know that i saw the potential in you..and i have faith that you can be somebody..I wish you all the best.. Just make sure that you are happy with it.. You are appreciated by me..always...My prayer is with you..God bless..

Why do we have to endure the pain..

Being in pain and have to pretend that you are not hurt is torturing.. Getting the lost laughter is not easy either. Being in this situation, we start to look for options.. But it seems that the pain is haunting .. need to get out of this..

Why...I can't understand...i guess love can do funny stuff..

Langit begitu gelap
Hujan tak juga reda
Ku harus menyaksikan cintaku
Terenggut tak terselamatkan
Ingin ku ulang hari
Ingin ku perbaiki
Kau sangat ku butuhkan
Beraninya kau pergi dan tak kembali

Dimana letak surga itu
Biar ku gantikan tempat mu dengan ku
Adakah tangga surga itu
Biar ku temukan untuk bersamamu
Ku biarkan senyum ku menari di udara
Biar semua tahu
Kematian tak mengakhiri
Cinta…

Apalah artinya hidup tanpa kekasihku
Percuma ku ada disini

Another day...

I had to let a student down today...seeing her almost burst into tears soften my heart inside...but i have to do this.. Warnings and reminders from friends, colleagues and housemate pushed me into rejecting her.

Every story has two sides... and i'm interested in her side.. but to know her story, i have to break the boundary that has been set in order for me to be in the comfortable side.. and breaking it doesn't seem to be a good option now...

As a teacher, woman and a sister, it hurts me to reject her enthusiasm to learn my subject and to be close to me.. hmm..life can be complicated.. Good luck to her..

Tired....

I've been yawning for the past hours, but i sneak out of my busy schedule...just for the satisfaction of pouring everything out...

Yesterday, i woke up early and survived a few hours of non-stop classes at school and three tuition classes from 3.30 to 9 pm.. had a very late sleep and....today, woke up early to obey the requirements of the timer punch machine in our general office..survived hours of classes and an extra class with another tuition coming at 7..now.....i am sooo extremely tired... here i am, sitting alone in the teacher's room patiently counting every minutes to go bck...trying my very best not to fall into the temptations of this cold rainy evening...and sail away with my dreams...

Huhu.. this tight schedule is killing me..but i managed to find smiles and laughter between them.. i shared jokes with my students in a tired mode.. we had good laugh in class talking about silly stuff between the questions.. and those were my energy booster.. as much as they depend on me for guidance, i depend on them to survive my very day.. Thanks :)

My head is getting heavier..and it's time to go home....

A commitment...

So many things happened...n i promised myself to write it out everytime...but i couldn't find the time, where i cn be alone and focus to my laptop..

Now i'm sneaking out of my busy schedule, just to have the satisfaction of letting it out..

I made a commitment..a 9 years commitment..and eventhough i'm so tight now..never once i regret the decission. He's going to be with me as long as i can protect him..before life takes him away..His name is Jonathan and i call him Nathan. His colour is black..He's a present from me to myself...for all the hardwork i ever did.. He is my persona..and i love him ;).

A little heaven on earth

Is it too much of me asking to have this?? A simple element in life that makes us alive.. A reason to smile and breathe everyday.. A reason to b bold and face the worlds' challenges and turn them into something worthy and meaningful..

We only have one heart, one life...and it is our responsibilty to make it contented... Regardless of who we are... we are worth of the happiness..Is it too much of me to make sure that i have what i dreamt of? i wanna find my home...n hopefully my 'home' can find its way into my heart too.. Amen..


Understanding is still beautiful.. Forgiveness is essential.. Forgetting comes after understanding and forgiveness.. But a lot of us can't reach the third stage..

If it's not 'him'...there must be someone somewhere that was made for us..We've been presented with opportunities...but should we take it? It's up to us..up to a little thing called heart...and a sprinkle of chemistry..for our hearts know if we can give the commitments..and the chemistry is the indicator..coz they come with the package of a having a 'home'.. If we can't commit, let it go..please...

Here i am..wondering what God has stored for me..understanding the beauty of His plan.. knowing that He knows best...

Appreciated Appriciation..

16 May 2010..My first Teacher's Day celebration.. and i really feel celebrated by my students.. teddy bear, mug, lolipops and cards are on my table.. Their grammatical and spelling errors make me smile within..knowing that they at least try to convey beautiful messages..Their words are beautiful enuf..appreciating my every effort..

"Happy Teacher's Day to my lovely and beloved teacher,

I will always remember you lesson to us.

And always remember when we're naughty and you always forgive us for all the mistakes we have done.

Teacher is not only give an education, but also show the way to success.

Theachers are like the diamond we will never throw it because it was very expensive jewellery. Forgive is for the mistakes we have done."

-N-

You are funny and dynamic,

The way you teach us... i never feel bored.

I like English so much better this year..

&

My grammar has improved tremendously.

I hope you still be my BI teacher 4 next year.

Happy Teacher's day.

-V-

Simple words can express a lot.. i'm really touched by their words.. Thanks...

Just to make myself happy...

Having disappointments in life doesn't mean you need to just sit and weep ba kan.. They said music can express yourself.. I'm having this fun idea of having piano lesson since this town can't offer much entertainment..
But need to settle a few stuff before i can start.. This is exciting! Wish me luck!

SMKJ3, BBB...2009...

Browsing through my pics, brings me down to memoryland..

There are fragments in life that is fading from us as day goes by..

I still remember how i struggled and enjoyed at the same time..

This memory taught me a lot..and coloured my life too..

Wish them all a good luck..

Till we cross our paths again..

...

Pernahkah kau bicara
Tapi tak di dengar
Tak di anggap
Sama sekali..

Pernahkan kau tak salah
Tapi disalahkan
Tak di beri
Kesempatan...

Kuhidup dengan siapa
Ku tak tau kau siapa
Kau kekasihku tapi
Orang lain bagiku
Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskan lah.. Teruskan lah
Kau begitu ...

Kau tak butuh diriku
Aku patung bagimu
Cinta buta
Kebutuhan mu ...

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskan lah
Kau begitu...

;)

Hydrology and earth system science...Hmm..kind of stuck with these jurnals.. Can't have my rest until i finish reviewing them.. I'm sooooo weak and sleepy... But for my beloved aunty Odye, i have to stay focus n finish this..

Being extremely tired, weak and sleepy doesn't stop me from having another craving. hehe..Now i'm imagining Starbucks Caramel Latte and Big Apple alien donut ...hmmm...tapun....;s

Another teacher story..

I've been having endless tuition classes and tasks to do. Didn't even have a quality 'me' time lately. But then..it comes with the package kan.. Today my evening tuition class is canceled, so here i am..pouring another thought.

I know i've talk abt this, but today i feel like talking abt it again..because today i feel so weak and tired..but something made me smile..Today..a few colleagues came to me and ask about a student of mine. They inquire abt the reason he obviously changed. He was a lazy and passive student in the weakest class.But now we become one of the diligent student and even apply to be a member of English club. He came to meet me during recess and at the end of school almost everyday asking for guidance in English Language. Make corrections for every mistakes he did. I think the explanation is..he changed the way he sees English.... and i am the medium.

It makes me smile...

I am not an optionist. Never had a proper training in English. I don't have the enthusism and pedagogy of a TESL graduates...and English is just my second language, but i'm happy with the small changes that i can do to 'memperkukuhkan Bahasa Inggeris' among students. haha

But the most satisfying feeling is...it feels all my exhaustion for these past few weeks is paid off.. :) thats one of the reasons i love being a teacher..

Teaching is holistic..

Wise men say it is..so..it is then. Haha.. Being a teacher for a few months has open my eyes to another angle in life. A very extreme change of a student. Never really occur to me that it is possible (especially caused by me), although I always bear in mind that nothing is impossible. The possibilities of me changing a very passive student to an active one. It’s a very satisfying feeling.. I hope he’ll continue changing for good..
Teachers are really a ‘walking ABM (Alat Bantu Mengajar)’ (Thanks to Dr.Ruslin for that). The way you mix around, talk, dress, smile,joke, teach and even your patience are actually included in the teaching and encouraging process of the young minds… Theory has it that teenagers are looking for their identities in this specific phase of life..
So, wearing a ’teacher’ name tag is pretty much…having yourself being one of the identity indicator.. haha..

The 'package of life'

There are so many interpretations about life.. Especially about future..But one thing for sure…it is unpredictable..One moment you are sure about something then 5 seconds later, life present to you a situation that makes you question your decisions.
Sometimes you feel like giving up, after trying for so many times..bored with the uncertainties..then you start looking for solutions..and might misinterpret some of it..
Sometimes you just stop thinking…blacked out..
Well, life wouldn’t be so much fun if everything is predictable right? Hmm…

The start...

I'm officially a teacher.. Teacher Jovie. Still adjusting to the name.. The school is ok..in fact categorized as sekolah impian. That means the expectation to the academic quality is high. This year, i am responsible for the PMR English result for two form three classes. All the best to me. Haha

The books to check is piling up.. it comes with the package kan..

My final day of freedom..

Nobody owns me.. I am free to do what i want..act and decide things according to my hesrt's desire...following my own set of judgements... Went outing whenever i want...chatting endlessly...and the best part is simply doing nothing..Hmmmm....but the not-so-best part is...i'm broke..



Tommorrow i would be own by the KPM. Tied to the ground rules of being a teacher.. No more the naughty n childish me.. Matured personality was in the top ten list of being a teacher. So..here i go.. (hahaha).. The young minds gonna depends on my judgements..can't go outing whenever i want and there gonna be tonnes of work waiting on my desks every morning..huhu
But..the best part is...(huhu..i'm lovin this one!)..the steady income.. Yeah!



They said that if you love your job so much..you'll never feel like working at all..

It has been a while…

Now I’m gonna own the ‘teacher’ name tag for real. I had a dream last nite. It was a scene of me entering my first class for the first time.. it was humiliating and a total disaster. Huhu.. Nightmare indeed.

But they say, if u had a dream…u have to turn the story around. So in the real world, i’ll have my first class just nice…Hahah…something to cheer myself up . I certainly hope so.

Anyway..this is it..the outcome of the 10 months -head crushing-DPLI intensif programme. For my beloved coursemates that have been posted in Sabah. Welcome! Looking forward to teach with you girls.

Enjoy your stay in Sabah. Its beautiful and peace in here..you’ll see.. Good luck girls!